Wed. July 14th

I am getting through another day..........I often wonder lately what filled my mind and my thoughts before cancer came to live inside my mind, and my body. Now it seems that is all I think about, read about, and yes talk about. I just hope and pray that my friends and family understand.

I have so many that are helping me through this journey and I am so thankful that I have all of these people, some who have traveled the road I am on now and are sharing what they went through, and how they have made it. I too am going to get through this. It is just a mountain that I have to climb, but thankfully I have people who know and are willing to share with me, that they had the same feelings and concerns as I am now having. You know it makes me feel so much better to know that what I am feeling is normal. And tears lots of tears are to be expected. I have shed a bucket load since the discovery of this mass and just knowing those little buggers called cancer cells are working their way through my body is enough to drive anyone crazy.
Tomorrow is the day they check to see if I still have a brain, I won't be surprised if they say I lost it years back, but no all joking aside tomorrow is the day I get the brain scan.
I got my meds to take 12 hours and 2 hours before the scan. So I am good there. My dear friend Julie is taking me and staying with me due to the meds. Once again I need a driver. Then after the brain scan it is on to see the heart doctor, he will tell me the results of the PET Scan I had done for cardiology department. Then it is on to see the nurse who is in charge of the case study, hopefully she has the information I need to see if my insurance pays for the drug, and to let me know what my co-pay will be. And to sign all the forms needed.
And that will be my day tomorrow.

Today I went to lunch with 2 parts of my support group. Terri and B.j., Terri has been through what I am going through now, so it is so good to talk with her. She knows what it is like and promises to be there for me if I should need anything at anytime. She brought me the cutest pink t-shirt that says "Fight like a Girl" with boxing gloves on the front. I know I can always turn to her with questions that I have. And that means a lot to me. She was one of the first people who came to me when she found out. I feel blessed having her in my life. My other buddy B.J., took me to get the meds that I needed for tomorrow. My friends & family have really rallied around me. And I know that without them I couldn't or wouldn't have what it takes to fight this battle they believe in me so therefore it helps me to believe in myself.
I understand also that I have lots of under lying conditions that most people don't have when faced with cancer but through my faith in God, my girls and my friends I will make it.
I hope tomorrow will also be the day that they start me on the hormone therapy drugs to kill the cancer cells and to shrink the tumor, I am not looking forward to having my breast removed nor to having my defibulator moved or the chemo port put in, nor the radation, but if it takes all this to be cancer free then I have to believe that it is God's will that I endure it all. Please continue your prayers for me and continue the support you have shown to me. The tumor is growing rapidly and I know we have to fight it aggressivly just pray that my other organs don't fail before we are finished. I want to be able to see my beautiful Alexis grow up and someday be a women of the world, well eduated and travling abroad, and being all that she wants to be. I want to someday see my daughter with a grandchild of her own so she will know how blessed I have been with mine. I never thought I would have to make this journey, but now that it is here I am only to fight it with every fiber that is my body and I want to make it to the top of that mountain.
Forgive me if reading this you might find some errors but it is hard to see through my tears.
Stay tuned to hear my voice and be with me on this journey. Thank you all for being a part of my life.